Femdom Romance

Romance Is Very High On My List Of Demands

Sister of Mercy said in a comment:

I am a Domme looking for a subbie/hubbie and I agree that romance is very high on my list of “demands”. If you just want to be beaten then yes go to a professional. I have a normal life and can’t be “on” all the time

Unfortunately all too many men have their inner porn theater running almost all the time and forget about all the normal human things a woman might want in a relationship even if it includes D/s and S&M.

Is There Any Girls?

girlsslave wrote:

I like to be a slave in femdom

i like group of girls pissing one me

spitting on me shitting on me

making fun of me. asking me lick their foot. kiss their foot.

feel in their feet.

is there any girls

Yes. They are called professional dominatrices.

You don’t show any concern for what she might like. Nor why she should oblige you by doing these things to her.

Kindness

A submissive househusband shares a corrective to that view of dominant women as bitches:

From time to time, my Wife will do a “random act of kindness” for me such as when She loaded the dishwasher yesterday. i always thank Her for doing such things and feel no guilt about it at all. After all, She loves me and wants me to be happy. If She takes the time out of Her busy day to do something for me, why should i mind? It doesn’t undermine Her Authority at all because i always remind myself that i don’t “earn” such kindness. Rather, Her actions are treats or gifts that She chooses to bestow upon me at Her whim.

After She left for work yesterday morning, i reflected on what She did and it made me feel very special and loved. And what is wrong with that?

Her Random Act of Kindness

Femdom Romance

Is there a more unhappily serious group of men than wanna be submissive males?

So many of you think a warm and vibrant woman wants to turn herself into a one-person fascist dictatorship or jailer.

You believe that she lays awake at night dreaming of a man she will do nothing but kick around and humiliate.

Now there’s a destiny for an intelligent loving female.

Romance is a part of this site’s name for a reason.

The hours of a shared life need to be filled with more than kink. And it is more fun to dominate someone you love and who loves you.

If for you female dominant D/s is about being mercilessly used, pitilessly tortured then go hire a professional dominatrix.

If you want to find a woman who’d really enjoy sharing her life with you - including ruling you - then think in terms of giving her a reason to want you. Not reasons to hold you in contempt.

Don’t confuse her desires with your fantasies.

Divorce Your Wife

In reading the authentic - opposed to the fantasy - blogs I’ve observed the strain that men seeking to introduce power exchange (call it female led relationships or just plain old BDSM) bring their marriages and relationships.

Regardless of what the loving female authority cheerleaders say many women do not want to be the boss, head of the household or Mistress/Wife. They never will.

And I’ve witnessed some men who in offering their wife submission lose her. They wind up in divorce court.

That is sad, yes, but:

If your need to offer submission is so strong that it interferes with your functioning, your peace of mind and getting a good night’s sleep there’s something you have to face up to. You may love your wife or girlfriend but the two of you are incompatible.

For a man who wants to be a woman’s slave to continue to live with a vanilla woman is as futile as it is for a gay man to be a woman’s husband.

Leaving her - however painful it is - is the honorable and sane thing to do. There’s no shame in getting your needs met. And let her get on with the task of finding a man whose desires match hers.

Staying in a miserable marriage is often only the act of a coward.

Too Much Power Exchange

The tendency for many of us is to try to figure out how to add more kink and fetish to our lives. It doesn’t hurt to remember: sometime is too much.

From an entry by Psyche:

He was feeling that we were too sceney and never really out of character. He’s never been a 24/7 type, and finds this difficult. Apparently this realisation just hit him, out of the blue, while I was domming.
I can see why this bothers him. Reflecting on what he said, it’s true. Since I now live with another kinky couple, who have a D/s situation running pretty constantly, I’ve been acting up to a similar level. My communal house-space has got very kink-heavy, and Cupid is finding it oppressive.

All change

Pacing

This entry relies on a few stereotypes. It is a given that generalizations are of limited use. But they can be employed for a purpose.

When hitherto convedntional men and women begin exploring power exchange between dominant females and submissive males the latter is to run ahead. Less nicely put he’s impatient. Wants it all now.

His fantasy life has built up inside his mind and he’s burden with suppressed urges. Some of these are fantasies that may never come true. Others surely will given time for the relationship to progress properly.

This can be a real source of stress for a woman new to erotic dominance (and experienced ones as well but I’m assuming it is the woman taking her first steps with a boyfriend or husband - or maybe a stranger - who is most likely to read this).

Don’t Let Him Push You

Don’t let the guy wheedle you into trying something that you find distasteful or aren’t yet ready to explore. Your desires may expand, your confidence increase given time.

Some would say that refusing him is a natural part of D/s. Maybe: it depends on the relationship. But there is a more important element.

If a woman allows a man to push her faster and harder than she wants to go then she may decide to abandon the project of exploring dominance and submission with him. By giving in both may wind up with nothing.

Go at your own pace. Remind him that he has been telling you - as he surely has - that it is all about pleasing you. (Naturally both must be pleased or there’s no basis for a relationship.)

If gets too pushy refuse to dominant him for a week. In this case taking away the kink is more affective than employing some form of punishment which really may be a treat for the guy anyway.

For Wives & Girlfriends Who Don't Want to Dominate

Ms Rika offers advice for wives and girlfriends who aren’t comfortable with their husbands and boyfriends desires to be dominated:

You may dislike the imagery of the words ‘dominance’ and ‘submission’, ‘Mistress’ and ‘slave’. However, you might like the idea of your partner doting on you, alert to your needs, totally turned on by you, giving you massages, pulling his weight around the house (and then some), focusing on your thoughts and ideas, in short, treating you like a Queen. Personally, I have no interest in hurting my partner or having him kneel when I come in the room, but I absolutely adore the thought that it was his idea to just sit together and chat after he cleaned up from the lunch he prepared us and that he gets physically turned on by folding the laundry! Don’t blame him for using those other types of words. They’re what he’s been fed in the magazines and movies he’s seen. He just may not know better.

Read all of Tips for enjoying D/s when you’re not a dominatrix.

Your Husband Wants You to Cuckold Him

You’ve come to dominate your husband, perhaps in a playful way or maybe you’ve taken control of all the basics of the marriage (or partner if not legally wed). It seems to be going OK when he suddenly presents you with an unexpected wish.

Your husband (lover) wants you to have sex with another man.

You are deeply shocked. Maybe you can see it as a spicy fantasy but you don’t want, are repelled by the idea of sex with a stranger, sex outside of your relationship.

In a demented effort to validate his desire he shows you blogs by men who write of being cuckolded by their wives (most often called “Mistress Wife”).

Many of those blogs by supposedly submissive men are fiction. Fake. Phony. The cuckoldry described never actually happened.

Because so few women wish to “cheat” on their partner even with his consent cuckoldry is one of the least acted out femdom fetishes. If you scan many you’ll see the scenario often develops according to the common clich�s of the genre:

The Femdom Cuckold Stereotype

The man describes himself as sexually inadequate.
Very often he says he has a small penis and that prevents him from satisfying his wife.
She decides that he doesn’t deserve sex and locks his penis up in a chastity device.
She makes him were some of her lingerie.
Eventually he is required to dress up as a girl, most often as a ‘sissymaid.’(Feminization, sissyfication seems a frequent theme.)
Wife cuckolds husband.
Her lover - often called a “bull” - meets and mocks husband.
Husband is required to lick his semen from his wife’s vagina.
Husband is forced to perform oral sex on bull.

The violent emotional forces at work explain why so many femdom cuckoldry blogs are lies.

Possible Causes of Cuckold Fantasies

The man desires much deeper humiliation than the wife will allow.
Some sort of gender dysphoria confuses the man.
The man is latently bisexual.

Unable to live his desires the man creates a fictional reality in a blog and on forums. Not uncommonly he writes as the cuckolding female.

Some men actually push their wife into doing this. Divorce is often the result. In many cases because the man is so deeply wounded when it really happens.

There really are F/m couples that practice cuckolding successfully. They are rare. And both the man and the woman have considerable emotional maturity and trust.

Many women come to despise the man that asks for this. Some wives leave their husband because knowing he wants this is intolerable.

This is one of those rare cases where a kink does require a counselor.

Beginings of a Lifestyle Domme

MWK has been sharing her discovery of her pleasure in erotic dominance. Here’s a sample from part three (links to the earlier entries are at the bottom of of her page):

I learned that there was a whole culture of people out there that not only loved me for my freakiness, but reveled in all types of fetish and kink. I purposely remained in the virtual realm of BDSM, maintaining it was �just a job� while I figured out who I was, and where I fit in. Pretty soon I could no longer deny my inner cravings and needs and began sharing my discoveries with my husband.

Sure I had tried to bring certain activities into our sex life, but he�s a recovering catholic, and shame is a huge part of his sexuality, too. Eventually we�ve both come to embrace certain truths in our lives, and specifically our bedroom and I get to call the shots. (Pun not intended, but it works)

How I Discovered BDSM

Making a Woman Dominant - Possible?

Can a wife or girlfriend with few - if any - kinky inclinations be persuaded to satisfy the submissive and masochistic desires of their husband or boyfriend?

Some say yes, others no. Here’s an extract from an ongoing discussion:

Looked at from this perspective, the question “Is it possible to ‘convert’ a straight woman to be the domme of your dreams?” needs careful examination. “Is it possible to ‘convert’ a straight woman” - I think it’s hard to argue that it’s wrong to try to open someone to new experiences that they might enjoy, and which might benefit the relationship. The problematic bit is “[to convert her to] the domme of your dreams?”. If it were possible to change the people around us into what we imagine we would like them to be, then life would be much easier than it is. Asking one’s partner to be dominant may be good, but insisting that they conform to a fantasy creation is clearly undesirable and impossible.

Read about Converting a Vanilla Woman into a Domme

D/s and Parenting

Darren writes of a serious issue: how power exchange mixes with the roles of parents.

I won’t speak to how Sir feels on this issue, but where the difficulty comes in is finding a way to respect our relationship as Owner and slave without diminishing my own role as a parent. I am very conscious of how our power dynamic looks to the kids, and I fear I over-compensate some times by being over the top with them, that I puff out my chest to be overly-authoritative when the situation does not necessarily call for it.

Slavery and Parenting

The Goddess of Fauxdom

Suzy’s blog is a special and tender one. It is a singular one in a way: I don’t reference because my tastes are more hardcore and I don’t want to accidentally send her pests.

For example the Ogres of the One True Way:

Hi I�m Suzy and I�m a lifestyle Fauxdomme. I started the concept of Fauxdom about 5 minutes ago when I was told I should not be blogging about female domination because I�m not a dominant women.

Want to enjoy some very light “kinky” play with your beloved but put off by all the latex and leather stereotypes on the web?

It’s true I�m not naturally dominant and my knowledge of the lifestyle is quite limited. That�s why I developed Fauxdom. Now I can tease, tickle, torment, kiss, nibble and yes, even spank my lover to my heart�s content without being lectured to by anyone.

Surely you trust science:

In domination tests across the country 4 out of 5 real slaves couldn�t tell the difference between Fauxdom and Femdom.

If you are a loving woman who wants to indulge - within reason your lover’s desire to play slave take a look at:

Suzywearsthepants

Virtual Valentine's Day Cards

Alexandra and I exchange Valentine’s Day greetings from our respective sites:

When He Feels a Failure

This morning I was reading the account of a man who convinced his wife to assume the dominant role within their marriage. He was unhappy.

She’d become very harsh. He seemed to feel unloved.

And a failure. He reads glowing reports of happy “sub hubbies” and despairs of being their equal (oddly one of those he cited was myself).

This is the comment that I left on his site:

Alexandra and I aren’t a LFA / FLR couple. We’re pretty much straight-ahead BDSM.

She enjoys hurting me and I just melt when I see a certain look in her eyes. I whimper; she laughs. But there’s never any thought that she is better than me or has a right to do this. It is mutual pleasure. If it didn’t make me happy we wouldn’t be doing it.

I also love being at her feet. And at night while she’s away in the UK I often see myself kneeling before her be it to rest my head in her lap or lick her boots. I have a very strong submissive streak and find real joy in worshipping her.

But we’re also “just” a couple. We do all the corny romantic things. We are equals.

She likes being bossy. I like catering to her: that was true of my vanilla lovers.

But we’ve never tried the houseboy thing. I’m very busy between my shop and my websites. So she does a fair share of the housework and cooking. If nothing else I’d have neither time nor energy for intense play sessions.

You should not be berating yourself. You are getting caught up in how other people live. Power exchange can be incorporated into a relationship in many ways ranging from the light and playful Dominant Diva style to 24/7 Total Power Exchange.

Other than encouraging you to think about what you really want and are really able to cope with I have no advice to offer. But don’t try to live up to what is presented on F/m blogs.

Your wife may be pushing you to see if you really want what see thinks you are asking for. Or she may be finding it hard to define her new role. Assuming a dominant role isn’t an easy thing. Especially if there is still some reluctance or negative role models in her own mind.

You probably should call a time-out from the power exchange and have serious conversations about how things are going.

Always wishing you the best of luck.