This site - obviously I hope - help people, particularly women, see that there’s no conflict between enjoying beating the heck out of someone and loving him. Assuming of course he’s a masochist. BDSM is a “different loving.” But loving nonetheless.
Exemplary
Happy Couples
Sweet BDSM
Qualities
Dominance, Submission, Bondage, Sadism, Masochism and Romantic Love
People who think power exchange and sadomasochism are exclusive with romantic passion are either ignorant or inexperienced. Or have only met desperate wacky masochists (which do wander the web in great numbers).
BDSM and Romance are not mutually exclusive, though sadly, much of the current erotica published for mass media out there seems to catter to the view that it has to be.
For me, I do not think I nearly as fulfulled after a scene when there is not some element of romance involved, and I believe the same can be said about Silk as well. I am able to slip ‘deeper’ into headspace when I feel that I am traveling those dark road out of love rather then doing a scene to get my ‘kink fix’. Of course, Silk and I have also been accused of being sickenly sweet at times
It does also get under my skin a bit when look around sometimes and see so many do-me and (pain/bondage/whatever)sluts out there just letching Dom/mes for their next session. To me, a submissive should be looking for ways to sweep their partner off their feet, both in and out of scene…
How To Tell Your Wife?
Introducing D/s
Traditional wife may not welcome submission.
‘Mistress..i am a 53 year old man desperate to serve and please his Wife..but is afraid to really approach her in such a way that She will understand that it is for her joy..can You help me deal with this..please.’
Talking to Your Wife / Girlfriend About Femdom
Beginnings
By Mule
As the old saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water …”
The bottom line is, if your wife or girlfriend does not want to be in charge, then there is nothing you can do to make her take charge without putting a strain on the relationship.
The best you can do is get her to explore the possibilities. This depends on your (as in both of you) ability to communicate. You could try to “trick” her into it by presenting situations and hoping she picks up on it. This may work. However women can be as dense as men. She may not understand what you are trying to do.
If you are confident enough to stand rejection and you are sure your relationship is otherwise strong, then talk to her. There are several key points:
First impress upon her that you trust her enough to tell her your most intimate secrets. The conversation is not a criticism. You do not love her less if she doesn’t take charge. The fact that you are telling her these things means you love her enough to let her deeper into yourself.
Next impress upon her that you are asking only one thing: that she try to understand your feelings. You are not asking her to actually DO or change anything.
Dispel the myths. Maybe you do want her to wear a black leather corset and hip-high stiletto boots and beat you with a whip. If so, good luck trying to bring her from “vanilla” to “kink” in 4.5 seconds. Chances are you want something a lot smaller. There is nothing unusual, kinky, bad, abnormal, degrading, or otherwise evil about a FLR. It is as natural as any other part of your relationship.
Talk feelings and relationship rather than specific acts. If you want her to take charge, then you should not be scripting her and ordering her about like the director of a porno film. There will be times to work out details after the basics are accepted.
Take what you can get. There will be things that she will never do. There will be things you will never do (limits). First of all, limits change over time. Secondly, concentrate on what you agree you can do togehter rather than your differences. You can have a lot of fun doing the agreed upon things.
Women are amazing creatures. If she understands your feelings and if she loves you, she will make an accommodation for them. She will do what she can do. You must celebrate these victories. Let her know that you do appreciate even the smallest concession. As she gets more comfortable in her role, she will most likely expand it on her own initiative.
Submission is not for wimps. You have to have the confidence to bare your feelings to her. You have to have faith that she will accept them. You need to be prepared for rejection and ridicule. You need to assess whether the revelation will jeopardize the relationship. You need to ask if you love kink more than you love her. You need to know her well enough to know if she will blush with admiration at your confession or go running, shrieking into the night screaming “pervert,” never to be seen again.
Above all, always encourage, but don’t press. Respect her ability to make up her own mind on this matter.
From: Wife Conversion
First Time Domme
Beginnings
Your First Time Acting as His Mistress
If you are new to it all you’ll probably feel a bit insecure the first time you dominate your boyfriend or husband (or internet acquaintance).
Don’t expect things to be perfect.
Don’t let your guy manipulate you into trying acts for which you aren’t ready. Set your limits and stick to them.
Start off with something that you are comfortable with. Perhaps he can prepare a meal and then serve it like a butler or waiter. Or he could give you a foot massage.
The first time you use bondage gear in a scene there’s apt to be at least one minor mishap. And that is all it is: minor.
You may have practiced on pillows but your first real life experience inflicting corporal punishment will see you feeling nervous. Even clumsy. Everyone engaged in S&:M has had to get through and past that. Experience will build skill.
Use any and every relaxation technique you know: visualization, deep breathing. Try to let go of yourself and enjoy what you are experiencing.
We wouldn’t do these things if they weren’t fun and fulfilling.
Am I Crazy?
Emotional Health
No Guilt. No Shame.
If you are just beginning to admit or seek to act out fantasies of female dominance and sadism you may be wondering: Am I crazy or wicked?
Neither.
The current image of sexual orientation is too naïve. Sexual orientation is more than the degree to which we are attracted to the genders. It includes our tendencies to be erotically dominant or submissive; masochistic or sadistic.
A dominant female beginning to explore this part of her sexuality should remember that a man with similar desires is less likely to feel self-doubt. As in other parts of life women shouldn’t let social stereotyping inhibit them.
Pleasing in inflicting pain on men, enjoyment in seeing a man suffer can make a woman feel sick or evil.
Understand that female sadism is a necessary complement to heterosexual male masochism. Some men need a to be made to say “Ouch!” They need pain - of a carefully measured sort - in order to feel fulfilled.
Masochists need sadists. Together they enact performances and rituals that lead to mutual self-fulfillment. Consensual cruelty isn’t a bad thing at all.
As you begin your exploration you’ll discover that dominant women and submissive men are just as likely to be humane and happy as any other class of human being.
You don’t need t look for a cure.
The Newly Dominant Woman's Puzzle
Introducing D/s
You’ve discovered that dominating men is something you enjoy. Perhaps feel you need to do. How, you wonder, should you go about being a dominant woman.
That depends on you. As an individual you will evolve your own habits and style.
Clothing:
- Dress up in fetish wear
- Jeans and a t-shirt
- A pretty dress
Venue
- Play parties
- Your home
- His home
Submissive Men
- Serial hookups
- Men you like
- Men you love
Fitting F/m Into Your Life
- 27/7, Lifestyle
- Only during explicit BDSM sessions
- Informal, fades in and out
And there are many other possibilities. Don’t let someone sell you on being who you aren’t.
Some women are dominant without being sadistic. Others are pure female sadists who enjoy inflicting pain but don’t care for Mistress/slave roles.
At the beginning your guide is what you think and fantasize about. Over time your habits and practices will be shaped by what you have discovered actually gives you the most satisfaction.
Rather than worrying about being perfect at the very beginning, just relax and enjoy the ride.
True Stories
Happy Couples
Share your own true story.
Share it by using the comment form below.
Dominatrix Stereotype
Emotional Health
I have no problem with ProDommes. A skilled professional provides a valuable service and sex workers deserve respect.
But the mass media’s use of the imagery of professional dominant in movies and television is a huge hindrance to heterosexual men and women who wish to explore F/m power exchange.
To Women
If your husband expresses a desire to be dominated often it has nothing really to do with the glossy dominatrices of popular culture. His needs are likely subtler, very sincere and deadly serious. And if his notions have been corrupted by so much fantasizing it isn’t that hard to get him to range his expectations in.
To Men
BDSM, S&M, Femdom - none of this is as easy as it might sometimes seem from the mass media. Like any other human relationship it takes mindfulness and effort. And there’s never a short cut to honest useful communication.
Forget about what the folks at the Other World Kingdom seem to be doing and focus on the simple realities of your own life.
Romance Is Very High On My List Of Demands
Emotional Health
Sister of Mercy said in a comment:
I am a Domme looking for a subbie/hubbie and I agree that romance is very high on my list of “demands”. If you just want to be beaten then yes go to a professional. I have a normal life and can’t be “on” all the time
Unfortunately all too many men have their inner porn theater running almost all the time and forget about all the normal human things a woman might want in a relationship even if it includes D/s and S&M.
Topic Indices
-
About,
Beginnings,
Belles Lettres,
Doubts,
Emotional Health,
Happy Couples,
Introducing D/s,
Long Distance Relationships,
Qualities,
Safe & Sane,
Monthly Indices
Femdom Dating
Fetish Pop Culture
Comments
- Rune on Guilty Female Sadists: It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who
- Miss Blue Stocking on Guilty Female Sadists: Thank You, Richard. I suppose that will happen sooner or la
- Richard on Guilty Female Sadists: Many sadists and masochists have had to face this: being mar
- Miss Blue Stocking on Guilty Female Sadists: Hello, I ama 27 year old closeted sadist/domme and I think I
- Mistress Laura's Boy on Feminization and Infidelity: Most of the problems with this kind of thing can be avoided
- Meg on Always Let Her Have Her Way: Macbeth and kit, if your wives likes you being macho, that&#
Comments
- Rune on Guilty Female Sadists: It’s nice to know that I
- Miss Blue Stocking on Guilty Female Sadists: Thank You, Richard. I suppose
- Richard on Guilty Female Sadists: Many sadists and masochists ha
- Miss Blue Stocking on Guilty Female Sadists: Hello, I ama 27 year old close
- Mistress Laura's Boy on Feminization and Infidelity: Most of the problems with this
- Meg on Always Let Her Have Her Way: Macbeth and kit, if your wives
