Sister of Mercy said in a comment:
I am a Domme looking for a subbie/hubbie and I agree that romance is very high on my list of “demands”. If you just want to be beaten then yes go to a professional. I have a normal life and can’t be “on” all the time
Unfortunately all too many men have their inner porn theater running almost all the time and forget about all the normal human things a woman might want in a relationship even if it includes D/s and S&M.
girlsslave wrote:
I like to be a slave in femdom
i like group of girls pissing one me
spitting on me shitting on me
making fun of me. asking me lick their foot. kiss their foot.
feel in their feet.
is there any girls
Yes. They are called professional dominatrices.
You don’t show any concern for what she might like. Nor why she should oblige you by doing these things to her.
A submissive househusband shares a corrective to that view of dominant women as bitches:
From time to time, my Wife will do a “random act of kindness” for me such as when She loaded the dishwasher yesterday. i always thank Her for doing such things and feel no guilt about it at all. After all, She loves me and wants me to be happy. If She takes the time out of Her busy day to do something for me, why should i mind? It doesn’t undermine Her Authority at all because i always remind myself that i don’t “earn” such kindness. Rather, Her actions are treats or gifts that She chooses to bestow upon me at Her whim.
After She left for work yesterday morning, i reflected on what She did and it made me feel very special and loved. And what is wrong with that?
Is there a more unhappily serious group of men than wanna be submissive males?
So many of you think a warm and vibrant woman wants to turn herself into a one-person fascist dictatorship or jailer.
You believe that she lays awake at night dreaming of a man she will do nothing but kick around and humiliate.
Now there’s a destiny for an intelligent loving female.
Romance is a part of this site’s name for a reason.
The hours of a shared life need to be filled with more than kink. And it is more fun to dominate someone you love and who loves you.
If for you female dominant D/s is about being mercilessly used, pitilessly tortured then go hire a professional dominatrix.
If you want to find a woman who’d really enjoy sharing her life with you - including ruling you - then think in terms of giving her a reason to want you. Not reasons to hold you in contempt.
Don’t confuse her desires with your fantasies.
In reading the authentic - opposed to the fantasy - blogs I’ve observed the strain that men seeking to introduce power exchange (call it female led relationships or just plain old BDSM) bring their marriages and relationships.
Regardless of what the loving female authority cheerleaders say many women do not want to be the boss, head of the household or Mistress/Wife. They never will.
And I’ve witnessed some men who in offering their wife submission lose her. They wind up in divorce court.
That is sad, yes, but:
If your need to offer submission is so strong that it interferes with your functioning, your peace of mind and getting a good night’s sleep there’s something you have to face up to. You may love your wife or girlfriend but the two of you are incompatible.
For a man who wants to be a woman’s slave to continue to live with a vanilla woman is as futile as it is for a gay man to be a woman’s husband.
Leaving her - however painful it is - is the honorable and sane thing to do. There’s no shame in getting your needs met. And let her get on with the task of finding a man whose desires match hers.
Staying in a miserable marriage is often only the act of a coward.
The tendency for many of us is to try to figure out how to add more kink and fetish to our lives. It doesn’t hurt to remember: sometime is too much.
From an entry by Psyche:
He was feeling that we were too sceney and never really out of character. He’s never been a 24/7 type, and finds this difficult. Apparently this realisation just hit him, out of the blue, while I was domming.
I can see why this bothers him. Reflecting on what he said, it’s true. Since I now live with another kinky couple, who have a D/s situation running pretty constantly, I’ve been acting up to a similar level. My communal house-space has got very kink-heavy, and Cupid is finding it oppressive.
This entry relies on a few stereotypes. It is a given that generalizations are of limited use. But they can be employed for a purpose.
When hitherto convedntional men and women begin exploring power exchange between dominant females and submissive males the latter is to run ahead. Less nicely put he’s impatient. Wants it all now.
His fantasy life has built up inside his mind and he’s burden with suppressed urges. Some of these are fantasies that may never come true. Others surely will given time for the relationship to progress properly.
This can be a real source of stress for a woman new to erotic dominance (and experienced ones as well but I’m assuming it is the woman taking her first steps with a boyfriend or husband - or maybe a stranger - who is most likely to read this).
Don’t Let Him Push You
Don’t let the guy wheedle you into trying something that you find distasteful or aren’t yet ready to explore. Your desires may expand, your confidence increase given time.
Some would say that refusing him is a natural part of D/s. Maybe: it depends on the relationship. But there is a more important element.
If a woman allows a man to push her faster and harder than she wants to go then she may decide to abandon the project of exploring dominance and submission with him. By giving in both may wind up with nothing.
Go at your own pace. Remind him that he has been telling you - as he surely has - that it is all about pleasing you. (Naturally both must be pleased or there’s no basis for a relationship.)
If gets too pushy refuse to dominant him for a week. In this case taking away the kink is more affective than employing some form of punishment which really may be a treat for the guy anyway.
Ms Rika offers advice for wives and girlfriends who aren’t comfortable with their husbands and boyfriends desires to be dominated:
You may dislike the imagery of the words ‘dominance’ and ‘submission’, ‘Mistress’ and ‘slave’. However, you might like the idea of your partner doting on you, alert to your needs, totally turned on by you, giving you massages, pulling his weight around the house (and then some), focusing on your thoughts and ideas, in short, treating you like a Queen. Personally, I have no interest in hurting my partner or having him kneel when I come in the room, but I absolutely adore the thought that it was his idea to just sit together and chat after he cleaned up from the lunch he prepared us and that he gets physically turned on by folding the laundry! Don’t blame him for using those other types of words. They’re what he’s been fed in the magazines and movies he’s seen. He just may not know better.
Read all of Tips for enjoying D/s when you’re not a dominatrix.
You’ve come to dominate your husband, perhaps in a playful way or maybe you’ve taken control of all the basics of the marriage (or partner if not legally wed). It seems to be going OK when he suddenly presents you with an unexpected wish.
Your husband (lover) wants you to have sex with another man.
You are deeply shocked. Maybe you can see it as a spicy fantasy but you don’t want, are repelled by the idea of sex with a stranger, sex outside of your relationship.
In a demented effort to validate his desire he shows you blogs by men who write of being cuckolded by their wives (most often called “Mistress Wife”).
Many of those blogs by supposedly submissive men are fiction. Fake. Phony. The cuckoldry described never actually happened.
Because so few women wish to “cheat” on their partner even with his consent cuckoldry is one of the least acted out femdom fetishes. If you scan many you’ll see the scenario often develops according to the common clichés of the genre:
The Femdom Cuckold Stereotype
The violent emotional forces at work explain why so many femdom cuckoldry blogs are lies.
Possible Causes of Cuckold Fantasies
Unable to live his desires the man creates a fictional reality in a blog and on forums. Not uncommonly he writes as the cuckolding female.
Some men actually push their wife into doing this. Divorce is often the result. In many cases because the man is so deeply wounded when it really happens.
There really are F/m couples that practice cuckolding successfully. They are rare. And both the man and the woman have considerable emotional maturity and trust.
Many women come to despise the man that asks for this. Some wives leave their husband because knowing he wants this is intolerable.
This is one of those rare cases where a kink does require a counselor.
MWK has been sharing her discovery of her pleasure in erotic dominance. Here’s a sample from part three (links to the earlier entries are at the bottom of of her page):
I learned that there was a whole culture of people out there that not only loved me for my freakiness, but reveled in all types of fetish and kink. I purposely remained in the virtual realm of BDSM, maintaining it was “just a job” while I figured out who I was, and where I fit in. Pretty soon I could no longer deny my inner cravings and needs and began sharing my discoveries with my husband.
Sure I had tried to bring certain activities into our sex life, but he’s a recovering catholic, and shame is a huge part of his sexuality, too. Eventually we’ve both come to embrace certain truths in our lives, and specifically our bedroom and I get to call the shots. (Pun not intended, but it works)