As the old saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water …”
The bottom line is, if your wife or girlfriend does not want to be in charge, then there is nothing you can do to make her take charge without putting a strain on the relationship.
The best you can do is get her to explore the possibilities. This depends on your (as in both of you) ability to communicate. You could try to “trick” her into it by presenting situations and hoping she picks up on it. This may work. However women can be as dense as men. She may not understand what you are trying to do.
If you are confident enough to stand rejection and you are sure your relationship is otherwise strong, then talk to her. There are several key points:
First impress upon her that you trust her enough to tell her your most intimate secrets. The conversation is not a criticism. You do not love her less if she doesn’t take charge. The fact that you are telling her these things means you love her enough to let her deeper into yourself.
Next impress upon her that you are asking only one thing: that she try to understand your feelings. You are not asking her to actually DO or change anything.
Dispel the myths. Maybe you do want her to wear a black leather corset and hip-high stiletto boots and beat you with a whip. If so, good luck trying to bring her from “vanilla” to “kink” in 4.5 seconds. Chances are you want something a lot smaller. There is nothing unusual, kinky, bad, abnormal, degrading, or otherwise evil about a FLR. It is as natural as any other part of your relationship.
Talk feelings and relationship rather than specific acts. If you want her to take charge, then you should not be scripting her and ordering her about like the director of a porno film. There will be times to work out details after the basics are accepted.
Take what you can get. There will be things that she will never do. There will be things you will never do (limits). First of all, limits change over time. Secondly, concentrate on what you agree you can do togehter rather than your differences. You can have a lot of fun doing the agreed upon things.
Women are amazing creatures. If she understands your feelings and if she loves you, she will make an accommodation for them. She will do what she can do. You must celebrate these victories. Let her know that you do appreciate even the smallest concession. As she gets more comfortable in her role, she will most likely expand it on her own initiative.
Submission is not for wimps. You have to have the confidence to bare your feelings to her. You have to have faith that she will accept them. You need to be prepared for rejection and ridicule. You need to assess whether the revelation will jeopardize the relationship. You need to ask if you love kink more than you love her. You need to know her well enough to know if she will blush with admiration at your confession or go running, shrieking into the night screaming “pervert,” never to be seen again.
Above all, always encourage, but don’t press. Respect her ability to make up her own mind on this matter.
From: Wife Conversion