Femdom Romance

On Becoming More Sadistic

Gorilla Girl and The Jane from Hell’s Kitchen must have been pretty rough.

When topping your boyfriend or husband you may find that you want to hurt him even more than you have. You want to cover his flesh with clothespins, slam the cane into his buttocks harder or increase the level of whatever sort of sadistic play you enjoy the most.

The increase in sadistic desire isn’t rare. Once you discover how much you enjoy working over a masochistic man your appetite increases. That isn’t necessarily a problem.

Unless you want to, say, beat him with more intensity than he can enjoy. What do you do then?

Some submissive men can find it rewarding to be pushed to the edge, to really suffer for the pleasure of the top. Not every session but at times. However real his desire to please you he may need lots of verbal reassurance, statement of your pleasure in his being able to offer this form of submission.

If your relationship or marriage is open you can find a male pain slut for the times you are feeling the most sadistic. To keep your more committed relationship intact you may have to agree to certain limits with the play partner: e.g., no kissing.

If you can’t find an outlet for the full force of your sadistic libido you will have to decide which matters most your current relationship or your frustrated longings.

This is an addendum to Guilty Female Sadists.

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Martine Beswick

I’ve added a RSS comments feed for Femdom Romance.

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Fantasy or Divorce

Sissifuss is a journal for sissy girly-boys.

For some men feminization and aspects of cuckoldry is desired as a way to expressed suppressed bisexuality.

This was left as a comment on one of my other sites. From what she wrote Patricia was enabling her husband to live the male sissy’s dream life.

my ex husband was into forced feminization. i went along with it for years, making him dress feminine and calling him polly, and eventually i threw away all his male clothes and replaced them with feminine versions of them e.g., i bought him ladies trouser suits, ladies shoes that didn’t have any heels on them but had very feminine pointed toes. he loved the feeling that he got when his clothes kept getting second glances from people, i also taught him how to apply light makeup everyday so his masculine facial features were disguised and his appearance was even more feminine. it kind of turned me on too. if we were at a family dinner he would excuse himself tp the bathroom and he would re-apply his makeup, or when we were out with friends and he would get compliments on his clothing from my friends saying that they suited him.

Then he made the most potentially fatal of requests: to be allowed - “forced” - to commit infidelity.

i loved being married to a sissy but eventually he wanted me to forced him to satisfy men and that’s when i drew the line and got out of the marriage. be careful how far you are willing to go with your husbands fantasies.

If you are have fantasies that exceed your partner’s tolerance, especially about important issues relating to intimacy like fidelity you need to remember that it is easy to go irrevocably, unforgivably too far.

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Female Sadism isn’t Evil

You are a woman who has discovered that you like to hurt men. The idea of whipping a man excites you. As do images of men writing and whimpering in response to your actions.

Your sadism makes you feel guilty. It contradicts your feelings of female as nurturer. Or that you are dirty or a pervert: a bad woman.

If you scan the web you’ll discover plenty of dominant women who enjoy S&M. Regular women in addition to professional dominatrices. Real women in addition to the male masochists who pose as women. Conventional and unconventional women, wives, mothers, poets and accountants.

Sadism is a legitimate part of a person’s sexual orientation. As is masochism. And without sadists, masochists would go through life unfulfilled.

I know women who think the sight of a man willingly suffering for her pleasure among life’s greatest joys. As a masochist I’m so delighted that there are women who can enjoy me that way.

Sadomasochism is a two way street. Without you the road would be closed.

Followup: Help! I’m a Cruel Woman!

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Some dominant women actually want some elements of the traditional female / male heterosexual dynamic to still be in place in their romantic D/s relationships. What shape your power exchange takes is really up to the needs and desires of you and your submissive male partner.

Men and women don’t stop being men and women just because they are femdom people who like the woman to be on top. What you accomplish is largely the same, but the difference is in how you go about it. The differences are revealed often only upon close inspection.

Dominant women generally aren’t aggressive and obvious, but that’s because they are women, and women in general aren’t aggressive and obvious. If a man wants to know what pleases his lady, he may have to ask.

What’s wrong with that? Men and women have been like that since we have been male and female. It’s not deliberate. Thank hormones. Hormones are a fact of life. Fortunately nature very generously has given men and women an innate appreciation for each other despite our differences. This tends to smooth things over. :)

Subs: Do you like not having to initiate it all/be in charge?

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Femdom and a Vanilla Husband

You’ve discovered that you are a dominant woman, female sadist. But your husband or life partner isn’t into kink at all, much less submissive. How do you find people to do BDSM with and lot sacrifice your marriage, romantic relationship?

I really do wish that this was something I could share with my husband. And yes (people always ask), I have tried to get him interested and he will go along because he knows it makes me happy but it doesn’t do anything for him. Well if it doesn’t do anything for him I don’t get into it. What’s the point if the other person isn’t enjoying it as well?

So….how many of you out there can just play without an emotional connection? You don’t really care about the person much, you met them at a play party, do a scene and that’s it. And how many need to really care about the person or be in a relationship with them?

Janet Hardy (Greenery Press):

I think it’s also a trap to imagine that it’s only possible to have one kind of romantic/love connection. There have been many periods in my life in which I’ve been in love with more than one person — it’s not a matter of loving A more or less than B, I just love each one differently.

Of course you’re not going to love your husband the same as your slave. But it can work to love them both. Love is not a zero-sum game.

Other responses: Emotional Connection or Not

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By Chris

… if in fact you obey your girlfriend or wife, 100% of the time, and never put pressure on her, at least the reality is that you are her slave, and both of you know it. Almost any woman would like to always get her way, and never have a fight, so be patient and be her slave, but never put any pressure on her, and see what happens as time goes by. You are in a FLR, however she defines it. Isn’t that what you want?

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For me romantic love and submission are hopelessly intertwined, in fact I can safely say they are one and the same. That is not say I cannot enjoy a good whipping from a recently met acquaintance, but I believe that is more masochistic than submissive.

In that love, romantic or otherwise has an element of putting another’s likes, interests, satisfaction ahead of one’s own, of submerging one’s self, it is submissive. Generally love is not looked at and defined as submission. The emotional rituals of courting in a vanilla relationships are very similiar to those establishing a D/s relationship.

However, in a vanilla relationship one doesn’t get all the wonderful kinky stuff. Too often people define D/s in terms of bondage, whips, chains and etc, but those are a fun expansion of one’s sex life. If dominance and submission were not a part of our emotional and psychological make up we would not have individuals who identify themselves as sub or dom.

My guess is if someone finds romantic love incompatible with submission, for him, at the current time, the two are incompatible. My problem is I’ve always found romantic love impossible without submission.

(Old newsgroup posting.)

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This was left as comments on one of my other sites. Early I posted another of Chris’ comments here as 30 Days of Submission.

By Chris

I

Now the scenario I discussed was one with a “dominant” woman, who enjoys that mistress/slave relationship, in those terms. It’s time to examine reality. Most women are submissive, and most men dominant, as a matter of erotic pleasure. The women leave that in the bedroom, and tend to want a relatively equal relationship.

I’m very confident that because women are submissive, there are many more truly submissive women than men. We don’t recognize them as such, because they simply enjoy “the traditional female role”. We still have no problem with that. These women have decided they are going to be their husbands’ slaves, and they do exactly that. They cook all the meals, they let him control the money, they “ask” him if they can go out to wherever, or buy something, they serve him drinks, to all the housework, laundry, and never argue with him. Such a woman isn’t regarded as bizarre by her lazy husband. She’s a gift from heaven.

Continue reading "A Month of Slavery" »

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By Chris

I think most women will not be receptive to a FLR as submissive males wish it to be. However, I have no problem with simply telling her you are submissive, and would like to obey her for 30 days, to see what it’s like. Then do it, and obey her, IF she ever tells you to do something, and defer to her if there is a disagreement. She will like that.

Don’t push her. Once she realizes there is no pressure on her, she may become more comfortable with the idea. She may not. No matter what she does, you are her slave, and you both know it. After 30 days, tell her that if she ever wants to do it for a longer period, that you really enjoyed it. Then leave it alone. She will either embrace it or she won’t, but the best chance for her to embrace it to actually embrace a FLR yourself, since it’s what she wants, not what you want.

I think most submissives don’t actually want that, where the female always gets her way, but doesn’t embrace the total power exchange, so the male feels he’s better off in a vanilla equal relationship, but you will never know unless you try it for a long period of time, and keep your frustration totally in control. Be her slave, but let her decide what that means, and try to accept that you are the slave, and it’s all about her. If she wants to do most of the cooking, housework, and laundry, then obey her, like a good slave, and don’t complain about it. At least both of you know that you are in a FLR, however she defines and explores it, and you can’t judge it until you have done it for a long period of time.

Continue reading "30 Days of Submission" »

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